A few days ago I said some words that I thought were some of the most profound I have uttered on the subject of marriage. If they are not true for you, they certainly are for me.
I commiserated words to the effect of “… when I was single I felt I had a lot of control over my life and what was happening then and what was happening next. Then I got married and now I have very little control of my life.”
May I first say that this is not a bad thing. Not having 100% control of what I do next has been one of the best things for me. I have learned to roll with it, to put my own plans aside in their entirety for the sake of not just another person, but for the sake of a family. Without realizing I entered my marriage with the greater good of the ‘family,’ of future children and grandchildren at the front of our minds. When so many uncreated lives depend on you making decisions that support this forthcoming family things get a little crazy, they get a little exciting. Most of all I have found that they are always changing.
We are once again at the start of new pursuits. First, keep in mind that Robbie is done his courses for his Masters. We have 6 weeks of a placement to go and 3 major exams and that’s all folks. Glory, Hallelujah! We decided to make our way back to Calgary this summer and move away from our home of (nearly) 2 years, Camrose. Things have lined up beautifully in terms of work for our soon to be Physiotherapist causing the initial reason for the great migration South.
Then there is the little matter of my professional life. Last year in Camrose, I taught an incredible hodge podge of subjects. It was difficult for me in that I was out of my comfort zone more often than not. I thanked God for my theatre minor as I plugged my way through mechanical systems, wood working safety, and intertidal zones. The appearance of knowing your content is almost as good as being an expert in your field. I was able to “search for the answer” and “think about how I can give you the best response possible” several times convincingly. Google was one of my greatest allies. Fast typing skills and quick interpretation of text is something I was quite thankful for. Smoke and mirrors. Smoke and mirrors.
So back in June as I looked forward to the coming school year I was hoping for a chill year of subbing, sprinkled with coffee dates with my mommy friends and lots of quality time with my stand mixer as Robbie took the lead in the breadwinning. After all, I’ve taken the lead for 2 years. I deserved it, right?
But along came reality in the form of Robbie suggesting that I look for a more meaningful year. And the more he suggested this, the more it resonated with me. So I dragged my feet just a bit, like all strong willed wives who set out on a journey they know they should take as per the advice of their husbands and started applying for positions.
I started thinking about what I had learned in my first full-fledged year as a teacher about myself. I focused on my weaknesses or future areas of great and vast needed improvements: the blunt fact that I was not as organized as I had hoped, an earlier source of pride. I saw my mistakes in classroom management. I saw where my very human emotions were too raw and untamed for Junior High. I knew that I needed to continue to improve at this work/everything else in my life balance.
Then I thought of my strengths. What had I accomplished after all? Without a doubt I knew that I have the professional strength we call ‘rapport’ with students. The ability to connect with students individually, the ability to help them know that they are valued. I also reflected on how my fellow staff members had encouraged me in how I was able to authentically convey my faith to them as well as the students.
And then mountains were moved and with great indispensable help from a friend, everything lined up seemingly out of my control and I was offered a job. A job that emulates these two strengths that I took from my year of intense doubt and challenge. A job where I get to teach my faith, live my faith, and defend my faith to and for students at the most vital of ages.
I face this year with hard earned wisdom from the one before. I face it knowing I have a skill set and the grace to make things work. I face it knowing that my plan is never as good as His plan. After all, this is a plan that exceeds my expectations and that affirms that time spent in pursuit of the good of the family is never wasted.
Good things do come to those who wait, even if you don’t know what you’ve been waiting for.
For more on waiting listen to this ditty from one of my dear friends.