God is closer to me, more accessible to me right now than any human on earth right now. Not to say that I don’t want to be around people, but I think I am finally understanding the lyrics of many a praise song such as

Be my everything. God in my waking. God in my sleeping. God in my resting. God in my waiting.

I’m falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus, you’re all this heart is living for.

All of you is more than enough for, all of me, for every thirst and every need, you satisfy me with you love, and all I have in you is more than enough.

I have always had a hard time singing each of these songs. Its difficult to realize you dependecy on God, your utter need for him in every moment of your life. I’ll never be fully there I’m sure, but for some reason I understand this better than ever. This semester has been really hard for me. Letting go of something that is so giving is painful. Finding people who love me for me only to have to leave is not the greatest. Having to trust God that everything is fulfilled in His time, according to His will. Keeping my brain in the present instead of having it wander into the future.


Yet in this unknowing closeness that I feel with my creator that He reveals to me the extent of my brokenness, the extent of my selfishness.

The song ‘Child of God’ has been my song for this year. Here is it, because it can say what I cannot:

With every breath with every thought
From what is seen to the deepest part
I offer all that I’ve come to be
To know Your love fathering me

Father You’re all I need
My soul’s sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
Your arms enfold me
Till I am only a child of God

With every step on this journey’s walk
And wisdom’s songs that the soul has sought
I give myself unreservedly
To know Your love fathering me


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